Well, so far so good. This is the second day I have been back on the wagon. Yesterday was a good day. I was tempted to eat some of the Easter candy we have around here (and we have a lot) but I didn't. I am proud of myself for that. It was hard not to. I tried to keep myself busy so I don't think about it even though I see it. I try to turn away from it. Anyway, I succeeded. Physically, I feel pretty yucky today. I am running a temp of a little over 99. Last night it was over 100 and I had a terrible headache. I think it is just a sinus infection (what's new!!), but I am going to the doctor today. I don't feel like eating but ate 1/2 a bagel so I could take my vitamins and sinus meds. Emotionally, I feel pretty good. There is a lot going on since the end of school is nearing. I need to get well because I have a lot to do in the next few weeks. Anyway, being sick sometimes is good in the fact I don't eat much, but it is also bad because I don't feel like exercising. I will probably make myself go though tomorrow. Praise to God the Most High for giving me the strength to succeed yesterday. I pray He keeps me going each day.
Well, today I am back at it. I have given myself a couple of weeks off the strict eating plan I had been on. Physically, I feel a little under the weather. I have a rattling in my chest that makes me cough when I take a deep breath. So I went to the Y to exercise and cough this morning. Emotionally, I feel better now that I am going to get back on track. I have lost 20 pounds so far and will reach my goal of 30 by the end of May. It has been really hard these last few weeks and it will be hard to get myself back into the strictness of not eating much. But I did it before and can do it again. I just have to keep relying on God and have faith that He will pull me through. In the Bible He says He'll never leave me or forsake me. That is comforting. Perhaps I'll do some more fasting in the next month also. I have done a couple in the past for just a meal here or there. It really makes me focus on what I am doing. Thanks again to all those who are still encouraging me. Keep it coming, I need it.
It has been a few days since I have journalled. I have been struggling with eating too much at night and the wrong things. I am going to try and get back on track today. I went to the Y and had a really good work out. I did 30 minutes on the elyptical machine and more than 100 sit ups and then 15 minutes on the treadmill. Way more than 400 calories gone. Physically it makes me feel good after I exercise. Emotionally I am going to have to get over the fact that I have slumped in the last couple of days. But each day is a new one. The sun is shining bright and God is alive and helping me. Get behind me Satan and out of my head!!! God give me the strength to keep going.
Well, last night I cheated and had some chocolates. There, I said it and I am being honest. That was hard to confess. All thru the day though I did great. Well, today is another day and tonight we have church. It is easier when I am not home and don't have to face the food. I don't know why it is harder at night sometimes. Anyway, I will go to the Y this morning after I drop the girls off at school and sweat the chocolates away. Physically, I feel kind of sluggish. I ate a banana hoping to get some energy. Emotionally, I feel ?. A little down I guess knowing I should not have had the chocolates but also a little okay knowing I can continue to strive onward. Satan really knows how he can get to me. He is trying to control the little voice inside my head making me doubt myself. I need to pray harder. Perhaps I need a fast. I have fasted thru meals before but never a whole day. Maybe that is what I need to do to gain some inner strength. We'll see. I pray now that God gives me continued strength and that He holds my hand thru each minute.
Yesterday was a good day. I was able to control myself last night and only ate some Healthy Choice Ice cream after supper. I have been trying to drink a lot of water so that helps to. I also seem to do better when I eat supper late like around 6pm instead of earlier. Hopefully, I am back on track and will continue to lose. More later.
Well, today is day forty. I haven't journalled for a couple of days. I have eaten more this weekend than I wanted to. I don't know why the night is sometimes the hardest for me. Oh well, today is another day and God will give me His strength to survive and get back on track where I should be. Physically I feel okay. I feel tired but hopefully will feel better after exercising this morning and getting my endorphins moving more. Emotionally, I am a little down. This war and all the people getting killed has been waying heavy in my mind lately. One reporter in particular died. David Bloom from NBC. I liked him. He died of an ambolism in his lung while covering the war in Iraq. I guess the things that hit home were that he was only 39 years old and he was sacrificing to bring the news back to us. He had a wife and 3 girls. So sad. It makes me realize even more that the only sure thing in this life is Jesus Christ and the sacrifice He made for me and everyone. The only thing I have to hold onto in this life is my faith in Him and that one day He will bring me home to Him. Sure, I have family and friends along the way here but they to will leave me one day. Jesus says He is with me always. I can count on Him no matter what happens to me and no matter what anyone says or does to me. Nothing can separate me from His love. That is so comforting to me. It comforts me to know that He is with me during my suffering with my weight. He knows what it feels like to be in this human body with all its woes. And He cares about it. That is what is keeping me going each day that I live. It also makes me want to live each day to the fullest that I can. Thank you Jesus!!!
Another good day. I woke up early to get to the YMCA. It was a hard workout today. Harder than usual anyway. I have bags under my eyes from a headache I had last night. I am sure I looked real good while I worked out. Oh well, I am not there to impress anyone with my looks or anything else. I have learned while working out to just concentrate on me and how I am losing and how I feel. I don't look at others anymore and say to myself "I wished I looked like that." I will never look like some people. I will be thinner and look prettier but I will never look like those rail thin people. I don't want to. It looks unhealthy to me. Anyway, it was a good workout. I pushed myself. I wanted to quit and go sit down but I didn't. I felt the strength of God pushing me forward. Yesterday, I finally purchased a George Forman Grill. I have been wanting one for a while and found one for only $15. It is a small one but that is all we need. I have been eating a lot of fat free tortillas and this is perfect to fix it on not to mention fixing grill cheeses for the girls, chicken, hamburgers, etc. I am still trying to find ways to eat healthy and make things easy on myself having to cook sometimes 3 meals at a time. One last thing: I guess people are beginning to notice that I am making some changes. My oldest girl's teachers both commented yesterday was I losing weight and I looked great. It it comforting to know that I am succeeding. One teacher asked me if I was dieting. I told her no. I am eating healthy. She asked me why and I told her that since my father's surgery I have opened my eyes to my own health. I don't want to die young or be sick younger than I have to. God be with me always to strengthen me.
I did not journal on day thirty six so here it is. Things are going good. We were busy yesterday shopping for summer clothes. The busier I am the easier it is not to eat the wrong things. Physically I feel really good. I can tell I am losing especially around my hips and bottom areas. The scale this morning read that I have lost 22 pounds. That is exciting for me. I don't think I have ever lost this much weight at once. I have 8 pounds to go before reaching my first goal. I had given myself until the end of May to reach it. I am sure I'll make it. Then my next goal is the end of August by my 36th birthday. Then my last goal will be by Christmas. I plan on getting a checkup at my birthday. I want to weigh in at the doctor's and get a new cholesterol check. Emotionally I feel really good to. More later.
I felt the need to journal again tonight. My earlier journal was just that...earlier in the day today. I have done very good today. I didn't feel like eating dinner tonight so I haven't eaten since this afternoon's snack. Just don't feel like it. Physically I feel good and emotionally I feel thoughtful. It is the emotional part that is on my mind tonight. At church tonight in our ladies' class we talked about suffering and our different circumstances and how we should let God have the glory in our suffering. I know most people might think this is silly, but I related all this to my suffering with my weight. I do and have suffered with my weight. I know there are other more serious problems with people like the war that is going on but close to my heart right now is my suffering with my weight. Of the verses from the Bible we read tonight, one stuck with me and actually brought tears to my eyes. It is I Peter 5: 10-11. It says "And the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. To Him be the power for ever and ever. Amen." I love this. For a while I am suffering, but He will make me strong, firm and steadfast. He will restore me. All along I have tried to give God the glory. I owe it all to Him because He has kept me strong. While I have occasionally eaten things I think I should not have, He is sustaining me through my suffering. I have lost 20 pounds so far. I give God the glory for that. I cannot do and have not done this by myself. It is not possible but for the grace of God. His grace is sufficient for me. Like 2 Corinthians 12: 9 says "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Through my weakness, His power shows. Praise His Almighty Name.
Okay, I really don't feel too good today, finally. I think I am finally not going to crave anything else starting today. These last few days have been hard to not eat all the chocolate I can get my hands on. I have done pretty good though and tried to eat things that weren't high in fat even though they might have had some sugar. Physically, I feel very bloated as is normal during this time of the month. Funny how much this time of the month effects everything about me. Chris asked me if I was okay this morning. I said I would be in a few days. He said too bad that the surgery I had last September to fry my tubes for no more pregnancies didnt' take away that monthly visitor. I told him he didn't want me that hormonal without any estrogen. I am sure it is bad enough sometimes when I get grouchy without having no estrogen or having to be on hormones the rest of my life. No, thank you. So emotionally and physically I feel yucky today. I know it will get better. It always does after a few days. So I will once again tie a knot at the end of my rope and hang on through the wind that is coming. God has given me His strength so far and I know He will not let me down now. God didn't promise days without pain, laughter without sorrow, sun without rain, but He did promise strength for the day, comfort for the tears,
and light for the way.
I know I said I was going to try and journal every day but most days there isn't much to say. Yesterday was a good day. I actually have lost about 19 pounds. I was really surprised when I got on the scale yesterday morning and saw I had lost rather than gained. I worked out hard at the Y yesterday morning thinking I had gained because of all the sugar I have been craving and some that I had eaten. I was pleasantly surprised. Last night I craved more sugar. It is so hard when my body craves it like it does before my "monthly visitor." I seem to do okay during the day. It is at night when I want something sweet. Counting it all up though, I haven't eaten high fat things just things with sugar. Once again, today is another day and I hope to do better. I don't feel too hot so perhaps that will keep my cravings at bay. Emotionally and physically I feel weird. I expect that this time of the month. I just have to survive the next few days and then I'll be okay. Funny how the mind tries to control the body. Mind over matter, right? I feel sure that I'll get back on track after today and not be having so many cravings. Praise God that He allowed me to lose rather than gain. I thank Him for giving me His strength to get through this as well as anything that comes my way. If it weren't for Him and the support of my family and friends, I know I couldn't do this. Thanks!!